As a spin off of an idea we explored in our most recent Episode of "The Yogi and The Hypnotist", I wanted to dive deeper into how the validation we receive as children can shape our sense of self-worth.
These childhood messages can often lead to imposter syndrome as adults, leaving us feeling like we don't quite belong or aren't enough no matter how much we accomplish.
Childhood Validation = The Foundation of Self Worth
As a child, I was most often awarded for being fun to watch and bubbly or smart and creative. Never the quiet and subdued child, I burst into life like it was a stage which was fortunate since I was born to double music major parents. I received compliments about how clever I was or how much I could charm my teachers or entertain an audience- and this felt great- at the time. I was basking in the approval and connection it brought me. But what I didn't realize then was that I began associating my value with being "The Gifted Kid" or "The Entertainer".
This validation created a lens through which I viewed myself and the world around me. I didn't recognize that I was absorbing these messages and setting a bar for myself that was impossible to maintain without external reinforcement.
Enter Stage Right: ANXIETY
When I reached high school age, anxiety began to creep in and take center stage. I pulled back some from performing. I got quieter and developed social anxiety. I still engaged in some performance art and was a fine art major, however, I only felt qualified to entertain or be likable if I was on a stage, in a role. Not just as me- Jennifer.
Fast forward into adulthood, and those early experiences of validation didn't just vanish- they grew into silent expectations I put on myself. In new environments or challenging situations, if I wasn't recognized as "the smart one" or didn't receive the external validation that I craved, I would feel like a fraud. Thoughts like, "Maybe I'm not actually that good" or "what if people don't want me here" began to creep in. This is the essence of imposter syndrome.
Many of us experience something similar. When our childhood sense of value is tied to a specific trait- whether its intelligence, likability, or any other quality- it can limit how we perceive our worth as adults. When those traits aren't constantly validated, we begin to feel like we're not good enough, or that we're "faking it" in certain situations.
How Do We Overcome the Trap?
The key to overcoming imposter syndrome lies in recognizing where these patterns come from and actively redefining how we see ourselves.
For me, the first step was acknowledging that my worth isn't tied to being smart or interesting and charismatic. I had to learn to value myself beyond those early labels and let go of the need for external validation. This involved reframing my thinking and practicing self-understanding about my driving values and purpose.
Imposter syndrome is common- many of us feel this way. Instead of allowing it to keep us stuck, we can view it as an opportunity to grow beyond our previous limitations and sense of value.
Redefine Self-Worth
It is essential that we redefine what is important. For those of us who were praised for certain things as a child, it is imperative to remember that we aren't just one-trick-ponies. You are so much more than that!
Embracing all aspects of who you are- including the messy, imperfect bits- helps you create a more encompassing view of your worth.
If you find yourself battling imposter syndrome, start by reflecting on where you've been placing your value. What were the messages you received as a child, and how are they influencing you today? Once you've identified the source, you can begin the work of consciously choosing new, healthier ways of viewing yourself.
You are More Than Your Original Potential or Role
The path to overcoming imposter syndrome begins with understanding that your worth is not defined by external validation or feedback. By rewriting the narrative that was formed during childhood, you can created a more grounded, authentic sense of self.
For me, breaking free from the need to be thought "smart" or "entertaining" allowed me to see my worth in a deeper, more meaningful way- and the same is possible for you.
Warmly,
Jennifer Ferrante, CHt.
Ferrante Family Wellness
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