This morning I am thinking about the power of story and linguistics on the subconscious mind.
This is in my thoughts this morning because it is such a powerful tool for children (and adults) and my kids head back to school tomorrow for college, early college, 7th grade (x2), 6th grade, 4th grade, and 2nd grade respectively. It's bound to be a busy day and so I don't foresee an email happening tomorrow morning, but who knows- I might surprise myself.
I have some children who are worried about starting at new schools this year or same schools but with friend concerns and pretty much the tension ringing through our house right now is "will I fit in?"
Peers are powerful motivators for benefit or harm. It is said that you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with. This quote is attributed to motivational speaker Jim Rohn.
So, I could go a few different directions with this: I could tell them, "don't worry, you will be fine. Who wouldn't love you?" or I could tell them a story.
The first option would perhaps yield a small smile and "thanks Mama" with a hug but their conscious mind would check it with, "She has to think that, she's my Mom."
Instead, I might tell them a true story from my own life,
"you know, my first year of high school I was on the Poms squad but most of my teammates were from the other middle school and already had their clique of friends. I was so worried about who I would eat lunch with, who I could sit by in class and if anyone would like me.
I was so worried, in fact, that I decided to eat my lunch in my Spanish teacher's classroom to work on extra credit and then rotated eating lunch with different teachers to work on extra assignments instead of socializing with the other students.
On one hand, I did move ahead quickly in my school work and became close with all of my teachers, but I still didn't feel like I had very close friends at the school.
When I was much older, I reconnected with some of the students from my high school and they told me that they had always wanted to be my friend. They saw my posts on facebook and realized that we would have had a lot in common if I had just taken the opportunity to reach out.
In fact, one told me that she assumed I was a snob because I was on Poms and didn't eat lunch with any of the kids in the cafeteria so she never tried to reach out to me assuming I would snub her.
That felt horrible!
I learned my lesson over time and began looking around and finding someone else that seemed nervous that I could make more comfortable and reach out to. I developed some really close friends that way.
Do you think tomorrow, you could look around for other kids who might be just as nervous as you are and make them feel welcome and seen?”
And then adding the subconscious thought command:
“When we take our focus off of ourselves and put it onto others, our comfort increases."
Because this story is about me and not them, it offers several levels of penetration past their conscious mind blocks:
They can feel an emotional connection to my nerves and fears because of the empathy centers in the insular cortex that allow them to feel how I felt.
It has cohesive structure where they see how I felt at the beginning of the story vs what I learned and felt in the end.
They can pattern identify the parts of my story that overlap with their own.
Their brain releases mirror neurons. When we hear a story, especially one that involves emotions or actions, our brains activate mirror neurons, which cause us to experience the story as if we were actually living it. This response can make the story feel more real, reducing the impulse to critique or analyze it.
Compelling stories trigger the release of dopamine, a neurotransmitter associated with pleasure and reward. This makes one more receptive to the message.
Through indirect suggestions, unlike traditional hypnosis or even modern parenting which often relies on direct commands or instructions, an Ericksonian approach (using story and metaphor) bypasses the conscious mind's critical resistance and allows the subconscious to absorb the suggestions more easily. This subtlety makes the suggestions feel more like the person's own thoughts, leading to deeper and more lasting change.
Stories are powerful. Words are powerful. We can change one word in a sentence and what the critical mind finds tension with in one word, it can release and accept by using another.
Take, for example the word: bossy or controlling and replace them with: assertive or proactive.
Belief, emotion and meaning making that we attach to sets of information is what makes humans, and some animals, different from computers.
This meaning making produced by the prefrontal cortex is so powerful, that certain thoughts can produce responses in our body like comfort or pain.
The insular cortex, where empathy resides, is part of the brain where introception occurs.
Interoception is the perception that we have about what is happening in our own body. Sometimes, we can experience the story of another and feel it as if it were happening to us.
At its extreme, this could be problematic leading to confusion between what emotions are our own and what belongs to another, or extreme suggestibility as seen in someone who can be easily persuaded or controlled.
But the gentle art of persuasion, backed by integrity and higher ideals can be used for great good.
This can happen when we watch an inspiring movie or read a biography that motivates us to adopt new beliefs and behavior patterns.
Those with empathy are able to reprogram their mind more easily and the power of story is the door to this great tool.
As such, our environment and our media choices should be curated with care, realizing that their stories directly create our beliefs. Beliefs create our actions and our beliefs and actions create our lives.
So today, if you are considering telling someone "what they should do" consider telling a story- and let their subconscious go to work with less resistance and higher effectiveness.
Warmly,
Jennifer Ferrante, CHt.
Ferrante Family Wellness
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