The house is quiet. This minute of calm before the chaos of getting kids off to school is when I prepare for the rest of my day.
Like most of you, I have storms on my mind this morning as we hear reports coming in from the South about Hurricane Helene's path of destruction.
A crisis can feel like being thrown into the middle of a storm, tossed about with nothing but our instincts to keep us afloat. It's in these moments- when the wind is howling, and the water is churning- that our habits, patterns, and practiced responses take the wheel. This is why people who live in areas often affected by such storms, have security plans in place for when they hit. We are operating from a place deep within us, a program that runs automatically when everything around us feels chaotic.
I often see clients come to therapy when they're in the eye of the storm- when life has thrown them so far off course they don't know which way is up. Crisis CAN be a powerful motivator; it jolts us awake and says, "something needs to change." However, crisis is rarely the best time to learn how to sail. It's not when we are at our best, and it's not when new skills or tools will easily stick.
Imagine trying to learn to fly a plane when it's already plummeting towards the ground. Every muscle in your body is tense, every sense heightened, and fear is the loudest voice in the cockpit. You're doing everything you can not to panic. This is the fight or flight mode our brain enters in times of high stress, and it's a state that isn't conducive to learning something new. In these moments, we're pulling from whatever we've stored away in our programming during calmer, safer times.
Therapy- or any type of inner work- is like setting up your sails when the waters are calm. It's practicing steering, adjusting and navigating when you are anchored safely near the shore. It's here, during the calm seasons of life, that we program our minds, teaching them how to respond when the seas get rough. We learn the language of our thoughts, the patterns in our emotions, and the skills we need to stay afloat when we are tossed by weather.
Think of it like rehearsing lines for a play. Actors don't wait until opening night to learn their part. They rehearse before, over and over, under the guidance of a director. They fumble their lines, they adjust, and they practice until the lines and emotions flow effortlessly. The muscle memory sets in, so that when the lights go up and the audience is watching, they are not struggling to remember- they are performing what they have practiced and it feels like second nature.
In the same way, therapy and reconditioning the way you think and behave, is where you practice your lines. It's where you train your mind, repeat new skills, and deepen your understanding of yourself for when crisis comes. And come it does, because life is beautifully unpredictable. So when it comes, you've rehearsed this. You've anchored yourself.
You are prepared.
This doesn't mean you wont feel the waves. You will. But instead of feeling like you are at the mercy of the storm, you will know how to ride it. You will find your footing more quickly, you will breathe steadier, your responses will become more intentional. The tools you hone during the quiet moments carry you through the times of stress, and what once felt impossible will start to feel manageable.
I often remind my clients that if they only practice or work with recordings when they are in panic mode, they are working at it backwards. Any skill- whether learning to play piano, drive a car, or speak a new language- is most effective when it's done consistently in moments of peace first.
So, if you are reading this and life is relatively calm, consider this your invitation. This is your time. This is your season to practice, to learn, to set up your sails and familiarize yourself with the controls. Because when the winds pick up, and they will as we are watching happen right now with our coastal friends and family, you will be ready to navigate what comes your way not with panic, but composure and autopilot skills.
If you are in the storm, consider this your wake up call, tuning you into work that needs to be done and practiced as the debris begins to settle and the work of rebuilding can begin.
We are all in this together. Cheering for you.
Warmly,
Jennifer Ferrante, CHt.
Ferrante Family Wellness
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